Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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