I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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