I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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