At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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