it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
