is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
