Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I would ride that face into the sunset
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
