How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
