im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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