I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
