no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
