I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
