$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
