you're like a bully in the Christmas story
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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