she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
