Sry I called you an 8
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
