508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
