I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize