Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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