u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
