i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
