Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
