Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
