Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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