Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize