The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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