Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
