I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think a kid would responsible me up
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
