Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
