Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
