Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
