based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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