Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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