Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
