I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
