I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
someone owes me an orgasm
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
