Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
