I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize