True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
