My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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