I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
