at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
