is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
