those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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