Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
