ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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