We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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