She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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