My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
