stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
