Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
being pregnant is like rehab
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
