I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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