Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
