I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
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i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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