Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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