Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
