Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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