dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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