I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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