He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
