We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
