meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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