There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
