Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
