The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
