Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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