I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
