"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
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and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
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