The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Randomize
