Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
