i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
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i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
His hands were made for my vagina.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
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Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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