we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They have beer where we have blood.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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