I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
