why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
