girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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