I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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