i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
